So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Randomize
