Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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