happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I think people are normalizing furries
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
