MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
