like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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