im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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