I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
