I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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