I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
