That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Actions speak louder than pants.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
