saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
