I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
