Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Randomize
