im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
