i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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