im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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