Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize