one two three fourrrrnication!
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
