Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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