I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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