dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
