I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Everclear isn't food dammit
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
