I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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