I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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