Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
My pussy is not your playground.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
