so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
