Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
So many bounce houses so little time
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
