Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
