She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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