they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
