I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
