Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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