I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
