i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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