So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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