Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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