I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
As shirtless as possible
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
