I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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