I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
