Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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