Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
