well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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