boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
