I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I stole a fireplace last night.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
