At least make sure they are 18
Why
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
