i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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