Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I need to stop coming to work sober
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
