some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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