Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize