Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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