Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I supernannyed him into submission
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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