so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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