apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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