please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
