I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
