His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
