No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
