She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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