How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
