I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
