lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
