No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
