I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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