My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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