I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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