Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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