You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
