I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
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