you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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