That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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