She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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