idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
