therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
