Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
