Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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