he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
