You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
