listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
