Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
