So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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