ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
